Restoring Your Resilience

 

Sometimes it seems like the hits just keep coming. You are caught in a seemingly endless loop of emergencies, disasters, mistakes and just plain old daily responsibilities. You are stressed, exhausted, and barely coping. People who know you are worried. Their offers of help may be met with resistance, even hostility. Your brain no longer has the resilience needed to manage.

Although you feel like it, you are not alone. Recently I reconnected with some high school friends at a reunion. Conversations turned to high school life, and all of us complimenting each other on how successful they were. Each of us envied the other for their perfect life lives. Then came the true stories. Abusive homes, illnesses, mental health issues, substance use issues, and a common denominator of lack of self-confidence. As teenagers we rarely shared our issues. In those years, even reaching out to school for help was met with dismissal, even derision.

In one respect, it made some of us self-reliant. Others of us suffer psychological repercussions to this day. Add managing present day life, and it is no wonder our resilience often resembles a tattered flag desperately trying to hang onto the pole.

The biggest reason for sagging resilience is how the brain works. The brain – including the amygdala – stores not just trauma, but also positive experiences. However, these experiences are not given equal priority. There is a debate on the ratio of how many positive experiences offset negative ones.

This might explain why, during testimony at Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court hearings, Christine Blasey Ford described sharp memories of derisive laughter and physical abuse, but less sharp memories of other events during that time period. Trauma take priority.

Working on trauma is important, and therapeutic options should be utilized. A loving partner or a good friend to talk to, can be invaluable. There are also habits you can develop that helps build back your resilience. Here are my 5 favorite habits to try:

The first habit Mindfulness. Mindfulness meditations are useful to calm and soothe and can be very helpful during times of stress. The other way to use mindfulness is to actually be “mindful” during your daily life. How many things are you doing “mindlessly?” Do you have a feeling of time passing and you don’t remember what you were doing? Are you thinking about what you were doing this morning or what you have to do later rather than focusing on the task at hand? Take time to notice this and redirect yourself to the present moment.

Habit 2 addresses Gratitude. Recent studies using functional MRIs have shown exciting changes to the brain that coordinate with enhanced happiness as a result of purposeful gratitude activities. Make time for gratitude journals, gratitude letters and simple gratitude gestures to others. Thinking of 3 things you are grateful for each evening is a great habit – with the understanding that there will be times the only thing you feel grateful for, is that the day is over. Remind yourself tomorrow can be different!

A sense of Purpose is the focus of habit 3. Having a “reason for getting up in the morning,” is arguably one of the most important and powerful factors in happiness, health and longevity, even if your career work is not exactly aligned. Consider writing your own personal mission and vision statements. A simple example of a vision statement – a perfect you in a perfect world – could be “All shelter pets will find happy homes.” While your mission statement sets out how you would help accomplish this. For example: “My mission is to help out at my local shelter one day a week to re-home pets.”

Anthropologists now believe that Laughter, the subject of habit 4, is a survival mechanism existing in humans before language, or even a sense of humor, developed. Laughter is so powerful it can both lift up the oppressed when used for healing or take down oppressors when used as a weapon. There are laughter exercises (laughter yoga, laughter wellness) that introduces the concept of laughter as a well-being exercise that does not rely on jokes or humor. Laughter releases endorphins and is one of the few habits that benefit both physical and mental health.

Habit 5, Happiness is both as a state of being and a much maligned “pursuit.” What is happiness and why is global society so focused on it that some countries are using it instead of a GDP? Yet, happiness doesn’t fall out of the sky, and in reality, it can be a very fleeting feeling. A better way of thinking of happiness is to have a sense of contentment and life satisfaction in the present moment. Including some of the previous habits above can help you achieve these feelings, and at the same time, restore your resilience for when life is more difficult.

Noreen Braman

Coming soon: "What Gets You Out of Bed in the Morning?" A handbook for finding personal purpose, mission, and vision after age 50. Watch for availability on the books page of: www.njlaughter.com

The Importance Of Using the Right Word at the Right Time

 

Fireflies and Lightning Bugs - They have returned!

 Tonight I witnessed fields full of lightning bugs - fireflies - and actually cried to see so many. 

It has been a few years since I've seen any in my neighborhood. And so, I can again share this.

 

"Fireflies" ©2014 Noreen Braman

 As dusk darkens my yard, hundreds of tiny lights rise from the grass, like silent fireworks. The yard is alive with light. As I watch these little stars twinkle, it is hard to remember that this is the magic of an insect, not some ethereal spirit.

I am awed by the evolutionary miracle that has taken place so that fireflies can find a mate in the summer darkness. Suddenly, I am aware of the mystical importance of it all — primeval life going on amid the suburban rubble.

As humans, we can feel that only our own existence is important, that somehow we have the power over life. And yet, nature is there, gently reminding us that life goes on, with or without us. As long as I can see fireflies doing their dance on a hot, summer evening, I'll know there is hope for the world.

©2014 Noreen Braman
 updated from my previously published version that appeared in Sunshine Magazine.

A Letter to An Airline Regarding Treatment of People Who Need to Carry Medical Items With Them

 

Here is a letter I had to write to a certain airline, yesterday. I am withholding the name of the airline, pending their response. Has anyone else been treated like this?

June 16, 2024, 3:49 PM

June 21, 2024 - I've not gotten any sort of response, so I will now reveal the airline that treated me so badly. It was Delta. 

UPDATE

June 25, 2024 - Got an email apology from Delta. Seemed sincere, they would forward the letter up the ladder. That should have been the end of the letter - but for some reason, they thought financial compensation was in order. A refund of the cost of my flight? Nope. A $75 coupon for a future flight. SMH

 

I am writing to inform you of the cruel and embarrassing treatment I was subjected to in trying to board a flight from Atlanta to Newark. I was booked for 2 flights from St Louis to Newark. The first leg of the flight was wonderful. The gate attendant did not call groups until the jetway was mostly clear, and volunteers were requested to check bags, if they could. I had one small bag with wheels that I have been using for many years, with other airlines. This bag has been placed under the seats of large and small airplanes, and sometimes put in the overhead when there was room. The bag is important because I carry certain medications and items related to health conditions. It is important to repeat that this bag has never been checked in, only on occasion, taken on the jetway and returned to the jetway after the flight. This was my first time using Delta Airlines, and I have to say, after the way I was treated by the second Gate Crew, I don’t see myself using Delta Airlines again.

 

 The flight was already delayed, so the crew was attempting to get people on the plane quickly. They asked for volunteers to check bags, as was done on my first flight. Unlike the earlier flight, groups were called too fast, creating a long, long line. As part of section 7, I was near the end of the queue. Suddenly, a gate person started to separate " no bag" people from "bag" people. I was confused, as many of the “no bag” people had 2 or more bags bigger than mine. Apparently, she was choosing people with bags with wheels to be tagged and taken away. She grabbed my bag by the double carrying handles, and tagged it with the adhesive label (which prevented easy access to opening the bag), just as I was telling her I am diabetic and need my medications and other related items. She then accused me of not listening to her announcement about taking medications out of bags. However, that was part of the volunteering your bag speech. I was not prepared in any way to remove my medications, my glucometer AND my laptop. I had only a small zipper bag over my shoulder that just held my wallet and cell phone. No huge purse, no tote bag. She had nothing for me to put everything into. She expected me to squeeze my hands into the small opening left by the tagging label, and hand carry at least 7 things plus my laptop. She told me to keep moving in the line, and that I had to deal with it on the jetway.

 

I thought maybe there were bags or baskets down there there to put medications in for this kind of situation. But there was nothing, and no one to help. So, I had to remove my sweatshirt,(thankfully I was wearing one, otherwise, was I supposed to remove my shirt to use as a "bag?") kneel down on the jetway, and with wind blowing in my face through the open door, try to get everything I needed out of that bag, with all the passengers in line staring at me. Another gate attendant then began yelling that I couldn’t be on the right side of the jetway, and then she stood over me, telling me I had to give up my bag immediately. I finally was able to tie my sweatshirt around my medications and equipment, get my laptop, and then walked past all the same (now seated) passengers who had witnessed me kneeling on the floor trying to tie up my belongings like Huckleberry Finn. 

 

Only this wasn’t a funny story. I was demeaned, embarrassed, and a line full of strangers was allowed to hear me having to explain private medical issues. My privacy was violated, my health care items were placed in jeopardy, having to be rolled up in a sweatshirt and put on the floor under the seat in front of me. Not one Delta employee offered me any help other than to stand over me to tell me to hurry up. If this is how you treat 69-year-old people with medical issues, it should be made known to others like me so we can avoid your airline.

 

BTW: My bag is identical to this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Smile Side of Life Presentations

For Memorial Day: In memory of the father I never knew, and his mysterious death

 

As Memorial Day approaches, I realize that it is 69 years since the day in May when my father died. A USMC Corporal, who served his country in several places, including Camp Lejeune, who died mysteriously at age 23. He left behind my grief struck grandmother, my devastated newlywed mother, a brother, a sister, and me, a 3-week-old baby. The pain and trauma was so deep that I grew up learning very little about my father, and what little came my way was mostly inaccurate. I was told he died from inhaling airplane exhaust. I was told he died from tonsillitis. I was told he died from a cat scratch.

I found a drawer full of memories when my mother, then my stepfather, passed away in 1988. The drawer had photo albums, receipts from a young couple’s married life, wedding cards, and many, many, cards expressing sadness and grief over William Johnston Braman’s untimely death. His death certificate, typed on paper so thin you can see through it, revealed his cause of death – Uremia. The dictionary definition is  “a raised level in the blood of urea and other nitrogenous waste compounds that are normally eliminated by the kidneys.” The origin of the word means “urine in the blood.” The National Institute of Health states that uremia “develops most commonly in chronic and end-stage renal disease.” Those words would become important to me.

But Uremia was not a final diagnosis. Below, as a contributing factor was written “pending chemical.” No matter how much I searched, I found no report of what those chemical tests revealed. I closed the box, confused, but I was a busy young mother, with 3 active children who would all have to deal with our own trauma in the years to come.

But when I began to see solicitations by lawyers, looking for persons harmed by contaminated water at Camp Lejeune. I submitted a request to the Veteran’s Administration. Yes, he had been at Camp Lejeune in the 50s. His death occurred at the Brooklyn VA hospital. His death certificate was incomplete. Something felt wrong.

I asked the City of New York for another copy of his death certificate and checked the box to included cause of death paperwork. What I got back was a clearer version of what I already had. No chemical testing reports.

The TV lawyers were not interested in helping me figure this out. Did my father die from contaminated water? Renal failure is listed as something caused by this contaminated water. Did he actually die from serving his country? How in the world could anyone ever compensate me and his last remaining sibling for his loss?

I called and called the Brooklyn VA Hospital. Calls were misdirected, voice mails never returned. As a government hospital, it could be possible that records from the 50s were still in some rusty file cabinets. But no one even called to say those records had been destroyed. Nothing.

I approached my Congressional Representative, sending copies of everything I had, service records, death certificate. No answer, no answer, no answer. Finally, in late 2023, I was told that a request had been made to the Brooklyn VA Hospital, and to allow 30 days for a reply. No answer came. Not from the Hospital, not from the Congressional Office.

Meanwhile, there is a timeline ticking down to make the government aware of those who were harmed by this contamination. Currently, staff at one of my state senator’s offices has stated they will try to get info from the VA, to find out if the records still exist. And if they don’t, what does that leave?

Should I go on without ever knowing, or should I start believing that the words on his death certificate are proof enough that his death had a “chemical” cause?

I was born in April 1955. My father died in May 1955. Thanks to his 14-year-old sister, who snatched me out of the baby carriage while my mother argued with nurses who refused to let a baby into the hospital, my father was able to hold me. He wept uncontrollably and died soon after. My eyes fill with tears as I write this, just as they filled with tears when my father’s last remaining sibling, his sister, told me this story, just a few months ago.

And now I am desperate to fill in the blanks. To pass on the story of a man who died young, but whose genes live on in me, my three children, and my seven grandchildren. A man who may have given his life for his country.

 

Diabolical Electric Hypnosis

Communication Dilemmas

(Replace the technology terminology
as this poem becomes glottology) 

 

Don’t write me a letter, send me a text, 

Don’t text me, give me a call, 

 

Don’t call me, message me on Facebook, 

 

Don’t use Facebook, set up a zoom,

 

Don’t use zoom, in fact skip the internet altogether,
with its diabolical electronic hypnosis. 

Send me a letter, but don’t write in cursive. 

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 28, 2024

 

The Feeling That Shall Not Be Named

the brain holds the archive
of all the stories lived,
and daily shuffles through them
randomly projecting a memory,
in whispers, shadows and echoes
that manifest in the body,
as the physical state of anxiety
all of the fear, but none of the context,
only waves of existential dread

 

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 24, 2024

 

The Name Game

So many of us want nom de plumes,
not as in-disguise authors
or shielded government witnesses,
just a cutesy handle for social media
with a wink and a nod to some inside joke.
Nick-names from high school
your mom’s pet name for you
Some adult language that makes you laugh -
until someone quotes you in a serious forum
And your double entendre falls flat.
So if you just want to avoid hackers and pests
use your middle name.
Then when it is quoted as your last name
it just ends up looking like someone else
has stolen your wisdom,
but saved you from meme-dom.

©2024 Noreen Bra Man (hey, wait a minute...)
With a wink and a nod to Lioness Magazine

 

 

 

 

NAPOWRIMO April 23, 2024

 

Decades Unfinished

the twenty-year old book

just an exercise in vanity

a collection of words

around daily complaints

and  adventures

memorializing a landmark year

that never solved the issue of

asking myself, “Now What?”

 

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 21, 2024

A Nod to Robert Frost

that less-traveled path we’re encouraged to trod

requires packing and planning and sensible shoes

sharp eyesight and balance for uneven terrain

while modulating expectations and understanding

the difference made is unknown

measures of success unsure

turning back impossible

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 20, 2024

 Plan-O-Rama

 

In the planning of a plan it happens

that unplanned plan considerations

often brought up in the planning

are rejected in the final plan

as not necessary to the success of the plan

while the unplanned considerations arise

to reveal the lack of planning

built into construction of the plan.

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 19, 2024

 

 

In the Realm of Dark Poetry

when the Poetess of Darkness calls,

she kneels before my feet

extending open arms to me, 

silently beckoning

awaiting my gifts

my words of burden, pain, and loss,

given  to her dawnless world

where regret is free to fly, hurt is free to cry

she takes her pen and forms the words,

pulling gently from my mind

then retreating to her shadows,

as the light returns

 

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 12, 2024

Nanny Days

welcome little one

messenger from the future

courier of dreams

healer of distress

bringer of joy

reminder of possibilities

keeper of time

and hearts 

©2024 Noreen Braman

 

NAPOWRIMO April 9, 2024

April 9, 2024

 

Baby Day

This poem is more

than a mandatory verse

during a month

demanding daily lines

even when events

conspire to distract

such as happened today

commemorated here

while we wait

©2024 Noreen Braman

 

 

NAPOWRIMO April 8, 2024

 

In a Week of Ancient Signs

 

when ancestors read the signs

inherent in weather, stars and trees

 an intersection of earthquake and eclipse

sent as warning to those who followed the Romans

merited fires built in secret

while today descendants with celtic blood

track the moon and tectonic plates

rationality instead of superstition

safety glasses and timetables

still

behind their eyes in their ancient brains

they remember the gods from the wood

holding their breath until the ground stops shaking

and the fire above returns

 

©2024 Noreen Braman

 

 

 

NAPOWRIMO April 7, 2024

 

Burnt Offerings

incendiary words build flames

that never die down

remaining in sleeping embers

waiting only for wind and warmth

the slightest spark falling from lips

creates a conflagration

that scorches all

 

©2024 Noreen Braman

 

 

Birthdays Bashed

 

The signatory yearly event

remembrance of first breaths of life

adding up the time

congratulating achievements

and regretting missteps

especially as life lengthens the past

and reduces time for the future

so many candles reduced to ash.

©2024 Noreen Braman

 

 

NAPOWRIMO April 6,2024

 Rumination on Realities

A found poem

delusional

characterized by or holding

false beliefs or judgments

about external reality

that are held despite

incontrovertible evidence to the contrary

typically

as a symptom of a mental condition

see also: gaslighting

 ©2024 Noreen Braman

 

 

Bonus Poem for 2024 NAPOWRIMO

 Here is another contemplative poem, published by Biz catalyst 360

 

Along The Road

NAPOWRIMO April 5, 2024

 

Tremors Unexpected

 

When firmaments are not firm

and stable ground turns unstable

secure houses become insecure

steady footing is suddenly unstable

as Mother Earth acts unmotherly

shaking up the unshaken

leaving predictable balance

unpredictably unbalanced.

© 2024 Noreen Braman

 

 

NAPOWRIMO April 4, 2024

 

Thoughts

 

Silent waves

swelling and retreating

leave a wake of memories

blending in an eddy of indecision

tidal pools swimming with electrical life

forming dreams

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO April 3,2024

 

Spring Contemplates Inundation in New Jersey

 

The rain fell

in sheets, buckets, torrents, downpours,

 

Alternately employing

cloudbursts, showers, thunderstorms, deluges

 

As trees bent to

gusts, gales, updrafts, headwinds,

 

While the tempest threw down

squalls, lightning strikes, flood stages, hail, precipitation shafts,

 

Creating a very busy day for meteorologists and wordsmiths.

 

 

©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO - April 2, 2024

4-2-24

 

I haven’t done the taxes,

the taxes aren’t done.

Not a dollar reported,

Not a nickel paid.

 

I’ve got some time to do them,

Until the time runs out.

Meanwhile the poetry is due

Due every single day.

 

Priorities I haven’t made,

If having made them is important.

At least the list is written down,

written on today’s magic number day.

 ©2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO 2024 - April 1

 This year, I have given myself a theme, and a logo, for National Poetry Month and my annual participation in the National Poetry Writing Month part of it. Since it is also April Fool's Day, I present a poem to you, but, is it mine, or is it AI?

 Contemplation

In the stillness of contemplation,

I find solace amidst life's chaotic symphony.

A moment to pause, to reflect,

To untangle the knots of my mind.

 

In this time of transition and change,

 Contemplation is my anchor,

Guiding me through uncertain waters,

A steady hand on the rudder of my soul.

 

It is in these quiet moments,

That I find clarity and purpose,

A chance to listen to the whispers of my heart,

And to align my path with my truest self.

 

Contemplation is a gift I give myself,

A sacred space for growth and understanding,

A reminder that amidst the noise,

There is always room for silence.

 

In this season of my life,

Contemplation is not a luxury,

But a necessity,

A lifeline to my own inner wisdom.

©? 2024 Noreen Braman

NAPOWRIMO 2024 - Starts April 1

 

 Time to sharpen my quill pen.